“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
(1 Corinthians 13:4-7)
When I met Josiah I had no interest in dating. I had given my heart away to all the wrong men… well boys… I let myself be trampled and used as an arm piece all for the sake of feeling relevant. I had decided enough was enough and that I would be my own person. Unless I knew without a doubt that I was going to marry the man I was dating then there was no point. I spent the summer before college healing and remaking myself and then I moved eight hours away from all of my friends and family. It was amazing to see what I could do on my own. I allowed God to give me a heart transplant. I was renewed and refreshed. Then one night in a friend’s apartment the most handsome and intriguing man I had ever met lent me a hair-tie, of all things, and the rest is history.
You see meeting Josiah was a defining moment for me because I realized that everyone before him was just a distraction. If I could do it all over again, I would have tried a lot harder to just wait for my husband. I don’t regret my past decisions because they made me who I am today, but honesty is the best policy, and I could have done without a few of my choices. However, meeting Josiah clarified once and for all that none of my past mistakes mattered. All that mattered was moving forward. We had that hard discussion. You know the one where we dive into our past and our story and try not to leave anything out. We talked about past relationships and we shared what led us to where we were. After everything was out in the open we decided to leave it all in the past. We moved forward. We had amazing moments and we had difficult moments and all the moments in between. Dating was fun, being engaged was even better, and marriage and parenthood is better than that.
Ask any couple how they knew they were supposed to spend the rest of their lives together and more than likely they will all give you the same cliche answer, “We just knew.” It is a confusing answer when you are single or when you just haven’t met that person yet. I had heard that answer before Josiah and I never understood. When I met Josiah, however, it became very clear what all the couples before us meant, so I will do my best to explain it like I wish someone would have explained it to me.
Right before Josiah I had two relationships that I thought could have been serious. They both had amazing qualities and taught me so much about how I should be treated and what I wanted. At the time those relationships were everything to me. Both times I thought I was in love, and I probably was, but it was different. Not once though, did either relationship truly work out or prove to be worth the fight. Not once did I have the revelation of this was who I see myself growing old with. At the time I just didn’t realize the revelation was important. I thought all I needed was companionship and to think I was in love. Both relationships ran their course and left me distraught. My heart broke into a million pieces and I did my best to put it back together. In every relationship I always knew there was something more that I was missing, but I ignored that whisper for the fear of being alone. However, when I met Josiah it was new. It was exciting and scary all at once. It was a whirlwind. From our first conversation I knew something was special about this relationship. If it had been up to me, I would have spent every waking moment with him. Before our first date he sat me down and said, “If I can’t see myself marrying you then there is no point in moving forward. If you can’t see yourself marrying me then we need to stop now.” I admitted to him that I surprisingly felt the exact same way. He then sat there telling me everything that I had decided on my own before meeting him. This relationship needed to be God centered and unlike anything either of us had ever experienced. It was as if he had read my mind. I wasn’t willing to get my heart broken again. I sat there in shock for a minute, but then everything inside me screamed this is it. I jumped and I never looked back.
There were a few times that fear got in my way and I thought about running, however, any fight we had only pushed us together, because we weren’t fighting against one another, instead we were fighting for each other. We experienced a lot together, but not once did I waiver on the fact that this man was the man I was going to marry. No obstacle ever truly got in our way. Through the good and the bad we never left each other’s side. For the first time in my life, it was real authentic love. It was love that surpassed any mushy feeling and it became an action. It was a 1 Corinthians love. Everyday I woke up and decided Josiah was my future and I chose to love him.
So this is for my husband. My rock and my safe place.
My love, When you look in the mirror I hope you see what I see. You are gentle, yet strong. Brave, but soft spoken. Most importantly, I see each sacrifice you make. I see each time you sacrifice sleep just to spend time with us. I see it when you sacrifice your time to make sure that we live comfortably. I see it when you would rather stay home, but you get out anyways, just for a moment with us. I see it when you don’t feel a hundred percent, but you use your time to make sure we are. I see all of you. Even when you think I have stopped paying attention, I haven’t.
I can only hope that I tell you enough how proud I am of you. You are everything and so much more than I could ever dream of. I don’t know how you have continued to be my strength and my biggest fan but you have. There is no one I would rather do life with. I know it has not always been a walk through the park, but it has been nothing short of an adventure. Meeting you, dating you, marrying you, and raising a child with you has been the best ride of my life. Everything you do for us is noticed and appreciated.
I have watched as you have grown into an amazing father. The way you love our son takes my breath away. I don’t just see father and son when I look at the two of you, I see best friends. Lifelong friends. I see the moments when our son will think you’re his enemy, but I know you’ll never stop loving him. I see his future and ours just by looking at you. I see how your strength will be passed on to our son. He’ll learn how to treat his future wife because you are an honorable husband. He’ll learn how to pick himself back up when he falls, because you’ve mastered that ability.
No matter what happens, I plan on being by your side every step of the way. There is no one that could help me fight my battles better than you. This is dedicated to you, because without you I would not be where I am at today. I would not have my child or the life we have built without you. Thank you for all you do! Thank you for pushing me to be my best self. Thank you for pushing me to dream. Thank you for helping me reach my goals and make new ones.
Here’s to you my dear! Thank you!
P.S. If you are still questioning where you are, or your relationship, or even a future relationship, then a good rule of thumb is to take the name of your significant other and place it into 1 Corinthians 13. Example: Josiah is patient, Josiah is kind… and so on. If you can honestly say that’s a hundred percent true, then there is something real and authentic there. If it is true, then I can honestly say that is a love worth cultivating, but remember every part of it has to be true not just a part of it.
Raising Mountains 